Season 1Season 1, Episode 1: PilotOriginal Air Date—22 September 2003
After 12 years of marriage, his wife Judith, kicks Alan out. He turns to his older brother Charlie for help. Charlie has trouble adjusting his carefree lifestyle with the presence of his 10 year old nephew.
Season 1, Episode 2: Big Flappy BastardsOriginal Air Date—29 September 2003
Alan punishes Jake for an incident at Judith's house. Charlie is lax in enforcing Alan's restrictions, then some seagulls invade Charlie's house as a result of Jake's actions, Charlie has to learn how to discipline his nephew.
Season 1, Episode 3: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of HellOriginal Air Date—6 October 2003
Charlie and Alan go out drinking. Alan tries to reconcile with his wife, after that fails. They decide to confront the root of their issues, their mother.
Season 1, Episode 4: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a NapOriginal Air Date—13 October 2003
As Charlie tries to write a new jingle, Berta quits. Alan tries to convince her to come back. Leaving Charlie to get Jake ready for a dinner. And Rose tries to get Charlie's help to prepare for a date.
Season 1, Episode 5: The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a HumpOriginal Air Date—20 October 2003
Jake's soccer games lead to Alan and Charlie having encounters with teammates' sexy mothers.
Season 1, Episode 6: Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?Original Air Date—27 October 2003
Charlie and Evelyn date members of the same family.
Season 1, Episode 7: If They Do Go Either Way They're Usually FakeOriginal Air Date—3 November 2003
Jake sees a butterfly tattoo on the firm bottom of a surfer-chick friend of Charlie's, which is the start a string of harmless events that become larger and more disastrous with each action. This is not unlike the famous chaos theory's Butterfly Effect, asking if the flap of a butterfly's wing in Brazil, could set off a tornado in Texas.
Season 1, Episode 8: Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-fulOriginal Air Date—10 November 2003
After being tricked into helping Alan and Judith produce Jake's classroom musical, Charlie is flattered to find out that the kids know all the words to his jingles. Alan is blind-sided with divorce papers from Judith, causing strife which results in Charlie, who refuses to deal with the pre-pubers without a snootful, having to produce the play on his own. Jake is crushed when he realizes that a reconciliation between his parents may never happen.
Season 1, Episode 9: Phase One, CompleteOriginal Air Date—17 November 2003
Charlie wants to dump a female friend to whom Jake has grown attached. Alan and Rose bond over a game of Scrabble.
Season 1, Episode 10: Merry ThanksgivingOriginal Air Date—24 November 2003
Thanksgiving winds up being the least thankful day of the year for Charlie, who has to bribe various members of his household to even come to a traditional turkey dinner. Not only are the usual feuds in evidence (leading to a turkey-carving right out of "Psycho") but Judith's parents are actually sympathetic to Alan and hostile to their own daughter for her "fling" with lesbianism.
Season 1, Episode 11: Alan Harper, Frontier ChiropractorOriginal Air Date—15 December 2003
Seeing Judith's new look and boyfriend prompts Alan to realize that if he wants to get back into the dating scene, he will need to change his look also.
Season 1, Episode 12: Camel Filters and PheremonesOriginal Air Date—5 January 2004
Berta brings her 16 year old granddaughter to work. She poses issues for the men.
Season 1, Episode 13: Sara Like Puny AlanOriginal Air Date—12 January 2004
Charlie tries to nurse Alan back from the flu because he needs him for a double date with sisters.
Season 1, Episode 14: I Can't Afford HyenasOriginal Air Date—2 February 2004
Charlie's accountant Stan tries to make Charlie understand his desperate financial situation.
Season 1, Episode 15: Round One to the Hot Crazy ChickOriginal Air Date—9 February 2004
Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie--against Alan's advice.
Season 1, Episode 16: That Was Saliva, AlanOriginal Air Date—16 February 2004
Season 1, Episode 17: Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the HatsOriginal Air Date—23 February 2004
Charlie is offended when Alan chooses his married, responsible cousins as Jake's guardians.
Season 1, Episode 18: An Old Flame with a New WickOriginal Air Date—1 March 2004
Charlie's old flame, Jill, comes for a visit, she had an operation and is now called "Bill." Then Evelyn starts dating Bill.
Season 1, Episode 19: I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember YouOriginal Air Date—22 March 2004
Judith's sister Liz comes for a visit.
Season 1, Episode 20: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the DarkOriginal Air Date—19 April 2004
Jake starts annoying everyone with his incessant playing of "Smoke on the Water" on the electric guitar. Judith thinks Jake is having a difficult time coping with his parents' divorce. She suggests that they send Jake to a therapist, which Alan is reluctant to do.
Season 1, Episode 21: No Sniffing, No WowingOriginal Air Date—3 May 2004
After Charlie is given a witness interview by Alan's expensive, power-hungry divorce lawyer, Laura, she sets her sights on him, but warns him that it must be kept a secret, giving him strict ground rules to follow. Unaware of what is going on, Alan is feeling somewhat confident about the possibility of a fair custody/settlement agreement, despite Judith's concerns about Jake living at Uncle Charlie's house on weekends. When Charlie brings home Laura's paralegal to play, and Laura catches them together, Charlie finds her reaction to the situation unacceptable. Alan in dumbfounded when his lawyer tanks his case.
Season 1, Episode 22: My Doctor Has a Cow PuppetOriginal Air Date—10 May 2004
Season 1, Episode 23: Just Like BuffaloOriginal Air Date—17 May 2004
Jake repeats something Charlie says to Judith. Then Judith refuses to let Alan take Jake for the weekend. Alan tries to talk to Judith, but encounters resistance from Judith and her friends. It's up to Charlie to set things right.
Season 1, Episode 24: Can You Feel My FingerOriginal Air Date—24 May 2004
Charlie is sure he isn't ready for fatherhood after a year of trying to raise Jake, so he opts to have a vasectomy. But when the doctor performing the procedure keeps getting calls from his wife -- who's about to give birth -- Charlie starts to think about what fatherhood might entail and likes the idea, provided he still has his vital organs intact (in more ways than one).
Season 2Season 2, Episode 1: Back Off Mary PoppinsOriginal Air Date—20 September 2004
Charlie is having some friends coming over to his house to have a gathering but Alan is not invited. Things got worse when Alan is also not invited to Judith's party even though her guests are Alan's friends.
Season 2, Episode 2: Enjoy Those Garlic BallsOriginal Air Date—27 September 2004
Alan is hurt after finding out Judith is seeing Jake's pediatrician. Meanwhile, Evelyn tries to find out why Charlie hates her.
Season 2, Episode 3: A Bag Full of JaweaOriginal Air Date—4 October 2004
After Jake flips off his teacher, Alan and Judith move to punish him. Charlie, meanwhile, has other plans for Jake's teacher. Chaos ensues when Jake discovers the relationship and the increasingly overbearing Miss Pasternak tells Charlie she believes God brought them together.
Season 2, Episode 4: Go Get Mommy's BraOriginal Air Date—11 October 2004
After Charlie reluctantly lends Evelyn his new car, he later discovers her bra in the back seat. Meanwhile, Alan is forced to compensate after Jake gets attached to Judith's rich and talented boyfriend.
Season 2, Episode 5: Bad News from the ClinicOriginal Air Date—18 October 2004
Charlie is dating a self-assured woman who plays hard to get, easily dismisses him, and he finds it disarming. Rose gets Charlie to see that his new lady-friend, Sherry, is in his head because she is just like him; a self-centered, manipulative, narcissist. Charlie debates breaking it off. Alan and Jake fiercely battle wills over Jake doing his homework.
Season 2, Episode 6: The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal VigilanceOriginal Air Date—25 October 2004
After confessing responsibility for a childhood shoplifting incident blamed on Alan, Charlie seeks the forgiveness of his now infuriated brother.
Season 2, Episode 7: A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in FontanaOriginal Air Date—8 November 2004
Evelyn announces she is receiving an honor from the real estate industry and that Charlie and Alan will host a party in her honor. Mayhem ensues when Berta and her sister agree to cater the event, but sibling rivalry takes center stage.
Season 2, Episode 8: Frankenstein and the Horny VillagersOriginal Air Date—15 November 2004
Alan gets carried away with a woman he met at the supermarket, and it's up to Charlie to talk some sense into him while shielding Jake and Judith from what's going on.
Season 2, Episode 9: Yes, MonsignorOriginal Air Date—22 November 2004
Charlie runs into a newly-divorced ex, now single mom, who's willing to give him another shot. Back home, Jake tries to diagnose his learning problems.
Season 2, Episode 10: The Salmon Under My SweaterOriginal Air Date—29 November 2004
Charlie struggles to write a jingle for a new cartoon. Meanwhile, Alan spends time with Rose, and Jake procrastinates doing a book report.
Season 2, Episode 11: Last Chance to See Those TattoosOriginal Air Date—13 December 2004
Charlie sets out to find who started a derogatory web site about him. Meanwhile, Alan overhears something he shouldn't on Jake's webcam.
Season 2, Episode 12: A Lung Full of AlanOriginal Air Date—3 January 2005
An old classmate is in town while Charlie and Alan spar over whom she likes more.
Season 2, Episode 13: Zejdz Zmoich WlosowOriginal Air Date—17 January 2005
Tensions rise after an earthquake displaces Judith to Charlie's house.
Season 2, Episode 14: Those Big Pink Things with CoconutOriginal Air Date—31 January 2005
Evelyn's condescending attitude towards Jake's good grades sets Charlie and Alan out for revenge.
Season 2, Episode 15: Smell the Umbrella StandOriginal Air Date—7 February 2005
Charlie and Alan's weekend trip to Las Vegas has a little trouble getting off the ground.
Season 2, Episode 16: Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?Original Air Date—14 February 2005
It's the week of hell as Judith's out of town, Alan's got Jake, and nothing seems to be going right.
Season 2, Episode 17: Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam!Original Air Date—21 February 2005
Berta teaches Jake something about cleanliness while Charlie's in pain after a sexual encounter went horribly wrong.
Season 2, Episode 18: It Was Mame, MomOriginal Air Date—7 March 2005
Charlie cons Alan into being his date at his gay friend's dinner party. But how long can they keep up the act?
Season 2, Episode 19: A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping NoiseOriginal Air Date—21 March 2005
A freak food-flinging accident leaves Alan with impaired vision, which doesn't bode well especially when he draws a liking to one of Charlie's exs.
Season 2, Episode 20: I Always Wanted a Shaved MonkeyOriginal Air Date—18 April 2005
Rose intervenes after Alan and Charlie come to blows over some of their unresolved issues.
Season 2, Episode 21: A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry OnOriginal Air Date—2 May 2005
After one of her ex-husbands dies, Evelyn summons Alan, Charlie, and Jake to the funeral, where Charlie takes a keen interest in the widow.
Season 2, Episode 22: That Old Hose Bag Is My MotherOriginal Air Date—9 May 2005
Alan borrows money from Evelyn to buy a Porsche. However, life doesn't become as glamorous as he expects.
Season 2, Episode 23: Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, SquabOriginal Air Date—16 May 2005
After finding out that Jake has spent the night at his other grandparents's house, Evelyn insists that Jake spend a night at her place. After convincing Jake to stay at her place, Alan and Charlie worry about how Jake will be affected by his overnight visit.
Season 2, Episode 24: Does Something Smell Funny to YouOriginal Air Date—23 May 2005
Jake recounts his weekend in which Charlie's latest fling is with a woman who turns out to be married to a now very angry old man.
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